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Ahh, the Magic of Evolution!

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I’m currently reading Cosmic Quest: Searching for Intelligent Life Among the Stars, by Margaret Poynter and Michael J. Klein (Atheneum, 1984). As many of us are aware, if it were not for the myth of Evodelusion, we would not be searching for life among the stars because it doesn’t exist apart from Evodelusionary imagination, which proffers the old argument that “if it happened on Earth it could happen elsewhere too.”

Well, here’s what I learned about what happened on Earth that is spurring the faithful onward to look for little green men (notwithstanding the fact that many are deriving employment from said search). Emphasis, unless otherwise noted, is mine.

  1. “Our earth was born ABOUT 4 or 5 billion years ago.” In other words, who’s counting? And who’s going to call us out on the numbers (besides a few ornery creationists)?
  2. “The atmosphere cooled down… water vapor condensed and the first rains fell on earth.” Where did the water come from? Must you pesky doubters ask? Oh, and it wasn’t just a little water that APPEARED out of nowhere, it was a “shallow sea.”
  3. Thunderstorms and lightning caused atoms to get together in the sea. We see it happening all the time!
  4. “Amino acids and nucleotides, the building blocks of living cells, were CREATED” and – are you ready? “washed into the sea.”
  5. “Winds and tides” caused molecules to collide, and “sometimes they STUCK TOGETHER to form larger molecules [which]… became SKILLED at attracting still more members to their colony.” I guess some molecules were hot, some were not!
  6. After about a billion more years, “one type of molecule DEVELOPED THE ABILITY to copy itself.” Uh, yeah, if you say so…
  7. “As the COMPETITION AMONG MOLECULES increased” (yes, it does say that), ” a few of the colony types DEVELOPED specialized cells.” Are you with me so far? “Some of the cells digested food.” Yup, they just started doin’ it!
  8. Then, finally… hold your breath!… “THE ESSENCE OF LIFE APPEARED ON EARTH.” That certain je ne sais quoi…
  9. Ok, now that the word “appeared” has appeared in the mythological sequence… “Microbes, algae and wormlike creatures were able to survive.” They apparently just appeared. Plus they survived. Bravo, little chaps!
  10. “Eventually, these organisms became divided into two distinct groups… plants… [and] animals.” Are we good so far? Plants and animals appeared.
  11. But wait! “Some of the plantlike organisms took in carbon dioxide and produced oxygen as a waste product.” PRESTO CHANGE-O! Just like that! No problemo!
  12. “Plants, insects and spiders invaded the continents [from out of the seas]” Icky icky spiders appeared! You know how they did it? EASY! “They DEVELOPED a new kind of cell that used oxygen as a fuel.” Nada to it!
  13. “Over millions of years, larger and more varied forms of life APPEARED.” Honest! They just did!
  14. “The dinosaur’s brain…” [yes, dinosaurs have now appeared in the narrative, as have their brains] “…gave it a tremendous advantage over the nonthinking creatures.”
  15. “After their disappearance [came the] APPEARANCE of a new species.”
  16. “Laboratory experiments have given support to the believers in ‘spontaneous generation,’ the CREATION of living matter from nonliving matter.” Oh, really? IT’S A MIRACLE! Oh, wait, we certainly can’t have that!
  17. And finally, my favorite. If you’ve read my book, you’ll know why. “…One important ingredient is always missing from any man-made formula. That ingredient is [are you ready?] TIME.”

Time. The miracle worker in the Religion of Evodelusion. Just look at all the miracles goddess Time performed! Nothing to something. Something to life. Life to US! And all in just 4 OR 5 billion years, but who’s counting?!

There’s got to be someone else “out there” if you ask me! Don’t worry, with TIME they’re bound to APPEAR!