News

Are We That Desperate?

The latest news “flash” (pun intended) from desperate ET watchers is that a star with the rather boring appellation KIC 8462852 has shown some flickering in its light footprint (that’s like a carbon footprint, only lighter – keep reading, the puns aren’t going to stop) and – ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? – that might perhaps could possibly may be a SIGN THAT THERE IS INTELLIGENT LIFE OUT THERE! So why not name it “My Friend Flicker” instead of just assigning a number to it that sounds like the number of fried chicken breasts sold by a certain fast food operation? After all, there might possibly perhaps be some kind of BEINGS out there, so let’s get personal!

Now, this star is 1,481 light years distant. So we don’t expect to be visiting it any time soon, but – hold onto your seats – one theory is that it’s possible the flickering is from GIANT SPACESHIPS that were built by alien spaceship builders (well, who else would have built them?) that are passing in front of the star.

However, as the chief astronomer involved (Jason Wright of Penn State University) stated, it’s “unlikely to be aliens.” How boring is THAT? Talk about throwing cold water on a hot star that’s just flickering for attention! Won’t he be embarrassed when it turns out that the aliens have actually built a giant KFC after all, and the reason it’s orbiting the star is that that’s how aliens like to fry their birds! A giant rotisserie! They could call it “Finger lickin’ flickerin’ chicken!”

Y’all want some fried okra and slaw with that order?