Now THAT’s Using the Old Atheist Noodle!

Well, this one was just too “full of holes” to resist. A Massachusetts woman, Lindsay Miller, has won the right (?) to wear a pasta colander (strainer) on her head in her driver license photo. And what noble cause is she trumpeting? Is it a protest against burkas? Does she think she can outdo SETI by contacting aliens?

No. You see, she’s an “intellectual atheist” as Richard Dawkins might say, who belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a loose group of God-haters who claim there’s as much evidence for the existence of the FSM as there is of God.

Well, I’ll bet God’s up there biting His nails right this moment, worried that these “smart folks” who claim their beliefs are backed by “hard” (read: al dense-te) science, are gonna dethrone Him for sure.

Well I, for one, support Mzzz Miller 100 percent! What better object could she have placed over her brain container than a SIEVE? What symbolizes the thickness of the Atheist skull better than a hard, non-expanding metallic bowl? Seeing her with that on her head immediately evokes a vision of intellectualism, erudition, and the advancement of human knowledge, as far as I’m concerned!

Miller is encouraging her fellow “Pastafarians” (aren’t they clever?) to do as she has. After all, if you were a police officer who stopped her for speeding, you might look at the photo and say, “Holy linguini, Batman! This is one smart cookie and I’ll bet she’s gonna outsmart me on this ticket, too! I guess I’d better let her go!”

Now, in all seriousness, Mzzz Miller and her fellow lasagna worshipers have boiled all their knowledge down and understand that 15 minutes of fame is worth risking an eternity of flame, and we’re not talking boiling salted water either. No doubt they have hard scientific proof that God doesn’t exist and that when they die they’ll just rot away like an old can of SpaghettiOs, even though He’s feeding, clothing, and caring for them, not to mention the minor point of offering them eternal salvation while they mock Him. Ask them what “evidence” they’d expect to find to demonstrate that God DOES exist, and you’ll see the sieve go into action as they selectively ignore reality.

Yes, Pastafarians, I’m ready to join your club, but can I wear a pizza pan instead? After all, your beliefs are stupid no matter how you slice ’em.